Wednesday, March 11, 2009

exam's over! finally! now the sad part, results! i'm not sure how i did my exam this time, i tried hard. even so, i'm not sure about passing all. i lost the-top-in-the-class Ian. i lost the-math-expert Ian. i lost myself. why must there be results? i really wish it turns out well. that's what i only hope for now. basically after being in science class, i lost myself. lost myself in all the pressure -study & social. i still have dreams, dreams to be in PARIS for the rest of my grown up life, dreams to be able to study some Europe country, dreams to be success. i still want to have all this. even though i'm not exactly sure what i want to be after graduation, not sure which course to take. to tell the truth, i'm interested in being an actor, a novelist or a producer. i have the imagination of thinking stories and all. believe me, i live in my world 24/7. i don't mind designing. arkitecture designing or fashion. it's going to be very fast till graduation, till i have to make my choice. i wish to have precognition, to see what i'm in 10 years, 20 years or 30 years. hope for the best. *fingers cross*

i'm confuse in life. it's normal actually right? everybody has their confuse time. a time to just wish time stops and let me think it through. time it's not going to stop
(unless you are Hiro Nakamura from Heroes), so don't hope for it (even though it might happen, evolution). but right now, let's just say it's not possible. maybe i am thinking to much. my life is straight forward, not like any TV soap opera (not even close to SKINS), so i should handle it easily. the thing is soap opera will end happily (even if someone died), the cast will have a smile on their face in the end. like teen soap opera, they will be confuse on graduation, on friends, on going their on way and they will end up with the choice that the are passion about, happy and successful. reality isn't quite true. this is reality. soap operas don't show the hard work in the middle but they show the success. life isn't like that. all i'm trying to say is i just wish to be able to live my dream, have fun before graduation, make the right choices, end everything well. a happy ending.

don't just stay in your world, Ian.

i want...

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